THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS NOT LOVE!
Apostle Joshua Selman Nimmak
Is there a method to finding a life partner? There were all kinds of ways that people married in the Bible: Good, Bad, Ugly.
Let’s check out these BIBLE INSTANCES: Different skills and strategies, people in the bible explored!
- Hosea finds and marries a prostitute. Hosea 1:1-3
- Moses finds a man with seven daughters, he waters the flock and carries a wife, free of charge. Exodus 2:16-21
- Boaz buys land and with that property, he finds a poor lady and she becomes his wife, what a coincidence. Ruth 4:5-10
- The Benjaminites in Judges 21:19-25, stole women and ran away with them, that’s how they married.
- Jacob labored for fourteen years. Genesis 29:15-30. Seven years of toiling and labor and got the wrong wife, then labored for another seven years, then, got the one he wanted. Fourteen years labor to get a wife.
- David kills Goliath, gets rich, marries the king’s daughter, and frees his house from paying from tax, that’s how he got his wife. 1 Samuel 17:25
- Ahasuerus was rich enough to organize a beauty contest where all the virgins in the land were brought and he got a wife. Esther 2:3-4
- David killed Uriah and married his wife. 2 Samuel 11
- Solomon found out that marrying one or two is not the way, so he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. 2 Kings 11:1-3
- Paul said, all this is a mess. Let me just serve God and live, and he refused to get married. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
If you read the Bible without the wisdom of the Spirit, you will be deceived, which of the methods will you choose? Kill a man’s wife, Kill a woman’s husband, Go to a vineyard and buy real estate and everything in it plus the woman is the sign that she’s your wife, or organize a beauty contest and then, the finest becomes your wife or marry 1000 women.
Interestingly, the Bible does not exactly give us a direct formula like salvation, possibly because we are dealing with human beings.
Case Study: ADAM. Genesis 2:21-23
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” – Genesis 2:23
COMPATIBILITY is a key here. It had to be a woman who was taken out of him, have the same composition with him; spiritual, psychological, biological. The wife that Adam married was made of the same material, substance, ideology, conviction.
NEVER marry a man or woman that does not sustain the same composition with you, there will be BIG trouble.
FIVE (5) Scriptural guidelines to make a godly marital decision
Number #1: Proverbs 18:22
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
The Bible shows us that the process of getting a wife will demand responsibility on the part of the man. “Find” gives an idea of searching, desire. If you want to get married, action will be required on your own part.
Number #2: Amos 3:3
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
This is the ground key to a successful marriage and relationship. The key to a successful marriage is NOT Love. Love is not enough to keep a marriage.
The word, “agreed” means compatible. This measures your degree of agreeableness; spiritual, psychological, similarities in ideologies about God, money, life, parenting.
Two will walk together if they are compatible. What’s your ideology about God, money, culture, ministry?
Brothers, NEVER ask a lady out who you are not compatible with, you are going to destroy her, or she’ll destroy you. Even if she does not have all the ideologies straightened out, does she have the teachability?
This is why unbelievers, although they were not born again, because they had compatibility, they still are together. Don’t unnecessarily spiritualize things. You say, “This girl, the way she prays”, is she going to be able to cook for you?
This is the reason why, it is encouraged that once you start a relationship, part of the many responsibilities of a man is to take the lady to your church or meeting place, wherever is your primary place of spiritual feeding, to have the same ideologies.
Number #3: Proverbs 19:14
“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
You can inherit house and riches but when it has to do with a woman, you must involve God. A prudent wife/husband is from the Lord. You can not use the seeing of the eye to know the man will still be faithful after 10 years.
Men can change. You can not use the beauty and physique of a lady just to believe she’s your wife. So, involve God.
Number #4: Isaiah 30:21
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Expect the leadership of the Holy Spirit in helping you choose a life partner. The Bible gives a guarantee that you will hear a voice leading you.
Number #5: Luke 14:28
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”
This is the cost dimension of marriage and relationships. Which of you intending to build a marital tower will not first sit down and start counting the cost?
Brother: Are you ready to pay the school fees of children? Are you ready to be responsible for a woman and her family? Are you ready to live with one woman, all the days of your life and be faithful? Are you ready to grow old with this woman? Are you ready to love her with your life? Are you ready to protect her? Are you ready to die for your family?
These are the guidelines, no matter what vision you see or dream you have, God will not count the cost for you and this is where we miss it, God can show you that Sister X is your wife but it will still fail, it does not mean God lied.
These are 5 Scriptures that if any man uses as guidelines, he will make an exceptional relationship.